I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
