If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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