I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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