Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
