im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
