Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
