I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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