So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
