you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
