i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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