Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
