I'm going to jail i love you
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm too high and old for this...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
