Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
