I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
