His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
