What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We're too hungover to prance.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
