I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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