me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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