I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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