I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
