I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
