But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
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Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
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Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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