The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
