So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
