we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
