so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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