awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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