ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
