Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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