I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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