just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
