Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
