Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I got inside last night via doggy door
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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