im about as happy as oj after his trial
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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