I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Michael Bay diarrhea
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please