I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
