is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize