so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
