im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
