Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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