i love accidental penises.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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