I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
