I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I need water and some morals
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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