The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
