Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
