Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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