I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
