Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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