My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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