I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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