He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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