Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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