He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
