Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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