i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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