he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
