am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
