We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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