yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I need to stop coming to work sober
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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