Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
