Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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