im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
