so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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