You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
