Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
