Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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