The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
