i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Drunk is a universal language darling
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