It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
