with your own penis?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
