i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
