Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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