i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
