You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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